In January I took a pregnancy test, and it came out positive. My husband and I were so excited about being pregnant and having a child. My pregnancy was going perfect, no complications, or anything bad like that. Both of our parents were very excited as well as the rest of our families. In April we found out we were having a boy, and we already decided on the name Ryker, we were ecstatic! We did a reveal for our parents with cupcakes at Olive Garden. Of course the parents were excited, but so was our waiter. She found out it was a gender reveal and got really excited, she then told me how she has a son who has grown out of all his baby stuff that she happens to have all in her car. My husband and I were in shock to say the least. After dinner we met with her outside where she gave us books, bags full of clothes, car seat, and toys. We felt so incredibly blessed and we just couldn’t believe it.
On May 2, I started bleeding at 21 weeks pregnant. I didn’t think that much of it since I’ve heard that it’s normal to bleed a little. Well when my husband and I went to his parents house I was cramping. When we told my sister in law she insisted that we call the doctor. In about 10 minutes we were on our way to the hospital to the women’s care. When we got there they immediately hooked up a heart monitor to my belly, thank God we were able to hear him. The doctor came in to do a test and we heard the scariest thing, my water bag was bulging out of my cervix, I was in labor. At this point things got very serious, the doctors tilted my bed where my head was lower than butt, so basically I was on a tilt. The hospital I was at wasn’t equipped for my situation so I was sent to another hospital in an ambulance that would help us more. Still cramping I was so scared, I was away from my husband, and riding in an ambulance for the first time.
At the new hospital I was hooked up to an IV, catheter (ouch), and I wasn’t allowed to move. My husband and I were told that they were going to try to keep me here for 3 more weeks because if Ryker was born now, he wouldn’t be able to live since the equipment they have aren’t made for such a small baby. We were willing to do anything to keep our son alive and inside me. At this point my husband, who is AMAZING, was taking care of me and calling our family and friends to let them know about the situation. His parents were there in minutes to pray for me, give their support, and have us laugh. My parents who are 2 hours away said they would be on their way in the morning. After his parents left and we were asleep, my water broke. The doctor came in and said because of the potential of infection, they weren’t going to check me and just wait to see what would happen.
The next morning is a bit of a blur, but I know we were transferred to a bigger room. The doctor said they can’t really do a lot since my water broke and by then, Ryker had moved down more. Labor was inevitable and were scared for our son. My husbands parents were on their way and so were mine. I was moved into a delivery room, and I heard another woman in labor down the hall, my pain was way more than hers emotionally. Soon, I was feeling the urge to push and we waited for the doctor to come in. During that time, my husbands parents came and his sister. We could tell they were scared, but they were in high spirits. My sister in law, who is also pregnant, offered to stay in the room with my husband during the delivery.
My husband and I never took any classes about birth, so to have my sister in law there to give us a quick run through of what to do. Finally the moment came where they told me to start pushing whenever I was ready. My sister in law got a text that my parents had arrived and were in the waiting room. I started pushing and pushing, and I was told Ryker had gone breach (meaning that his legs were coming out first). I have no idea how long I was in labor, but it didn’t take long. His head was the most painful part and then he was whisked off to see if the doctors could resisitate. When we heard there was nothing they could do, they immediately wrapped him in a blanket and let me hold him. He was still alive.
My husband and I were crying so much. Every time Ryker moved his mouth we made sure we could remember it all. All of the sudden we hear a little sound from him that sounded like a sigh. I fell in love with my son, who is also my first blood relative, and he had my nose! When my husband was holding my hand I felt a hand on my other hand, I know it was God comforting me. The doctors covered me up so our parents could come in, since the umbilical cord wasn’t coming out yet. The nurse asked if we would like to have some pictures taken and we agreed.
Our parents came in and we just all lost it, we couldn’t stop crying. The photographer came in taking pictures of our little Ryker and our family. With everyone crying, each of our dads were able to hold him. Our moms were too emotional to hold him. Ryker was handed back to me and we did a few more pictures, then our nurse came in with a little box. She told me it was a memory box, with a little blue crochet hat, a blanket, hospital journal, and his hospital arm bands. Our little Ryker was born 10:43 and died 11:30.
When we were ready to say goodbye, our nurse said she would get his handprints and footprints for us. The girl who took the photos said she recognized my husband, and with how much love was in the room, she was going to give us all the photos for free. We were so excited we would have all of those memories!
Before I knew it, I was alone in my room, while my family got lunch. The catherter came out and the nurse helped me change my gown. At this point I haven’t eaten for a day, so I was very excited when the nurse gave me a menu. I got the food and we were moved to a room, down the hall. The doctors decided to keep me overnight to keep an eye on me. My husband was back, the family left to go back to their homes, and we were alone with our emotions. The nurse came in to ask what funeral home we would like to bury Ryker. My husband decided and called the funeral home to set up a meeting. I am so appreciative that he was strong enough to make those calls.
We slept through the night very well I don’t even remember the nurse coming in to check my vitals. The next day was hard, waiting to be discharged, we were very emotional. On the way out we passed the labor rooms, seeing pregnant women, I was gripping our memory box. When we got to my husbands parents house, my mom was there. I was so exhausted from crying so much, the first thing I did was take a shower.
The next day we planned our sons funeral. When we got the paperwork done, they asked if we would like to see him now or at the funeral, we decided today would probably be the best. When we went into the room, it was instant crying. They put him into a cute outfit with a hat, we fell in love all over again. We got to hold his little hands and give him one last kiss, we couldn’t believe how handsome he was even at 21 weeks.
On May 6, we had a funeral for our Ryker, family and friends showed up and even the waiter at Olive Garden. It was such a beautiful ceremony, the coffin had beautiful flowers on top, and the funeral home gave us a book for us to fill it out. Afterwards we got the pictures from the hospital printed from Walgreens. Coming back to my in-laws house we were surprised to see everyone had brought something for lunch, while everyone was getting food, someone from the funeral home came with barbecue to show us some love, we were shocked.
In our recovery, I was cramping some, bruises hurt, and bleeding. My husband went back to work a week after, and of course we both are still exhausted even though we get enough sleep. We stayed at his parents house so we could both heal.
My son has changed so many people already, I hope our story will help someone else too.
Rykers Mom 